Repeat Kindergarten, to stay or not to stay in the same school

[nhjan]

:confused:

Hi,

My daugher is in kindergarten and she is the youngest in her class ( 2 weeks before cut-off). In the last teacher/parent conference, she teacher suggested for my daugher to repeat kindergarten due to her immaturity. Her teacher said she is very talkative, unable to sit still, not following directions very well, not able to focus on her work, rushing through work, and does not retain information. Her teacher also suggested to have her evaluted for ADD / ADHD. Academic wise she is rated in the middle in her G/T class.

I am not too surprised to hear these comments from her teacher and I do believe my daugher will benefit from having an extra year to mature. My question is will it impact her in any negative ways if we let her stay in the same school and with the same teacher? She has a great teacher and my daughter likes her. It is a great neighborhood school that has great G/T programs. I am debating whether to let her stay in the same school or move her to a different school. I am worried that she gets negative impacts when she knows her current friends move on to 1st grade while she is still in kindergarten. Will her friends mock her in any way? I am trying to evaluate all of the pros and cons and then decide whether to change school.

Nancy

[BigDaddyTeacher]

First, kudos to you for the attention you are paying to your child's education as well as her maturity level. Not many parents are as focused on both - they prefer to look at one or the other.

Although you are right to question the nature of repeating Kindergarten, realize that it happens more often than most people are aware of, especially with children who are so close to the age cutoff date. The behaviours she is exhibiting are really not indicators of ADD/ADHD - they are typical behaviours for a child her age. Don't buy into the hype just yet - give her a few more years (sorry - I'm quite biased about the ADD label and how quick teachers are to rush into their 'diagnosis'...but I digress).

As for the social situation, there are several ways to difuse it. A friend of mine recently made the decision to keep her son back for another year of KG. She explained to him that, although he was going to be a year older, the teacher really needed his help with the children that were going to become KG students, and wanted him to stay with her another year to show them the ropes. That made him feel special, and now he brags to his family about his new status as "teacher's aide"

Changing teachers/schools? I don't have any experience as to whether or not it would be a good idea, so I won't presume to answer. I feel that it's a choice that must be made by the three of you, though.

Hope this helps.
Dennis

[njan]

BigDaddyTeacher and All,

I repeatly said to my daughter basically the same thing your friend said to her son plus that she will be a leader and will make new friends ... etc. She is the outgoing type. But two weeks ago, my daugher came back home from school saying it confuses her that all her friends are going to 1st grade but her. I don't know what else to say to convince her. Do kids at this age say things intentionally to hurt others' feelings? Do they comprehend the concept of move up / stay down?

Nancy

[BigDaddyTeacher]

BigDaddyTeacher and All,

I repeatly said to my daughter basically the same thing your friend said to her son plus that she will be a leader and will make new friends ... etc. She is the outgoing type. But two weeks ago, my daugher came back home from school saying it confuses her that all her friends are going to 1st grade but her. I don't know what else to say to convince her. Do kids at this age say things intentionally to hurt others' feelings? Do they comprehend the concept of move up / stay down?

Nancy

Kids at this age really don't have a clear concept of how to intentionally hurt another chlid with words/phrases (I have four kids, 4.6.10.&14). They hear things that others might say, and they observe the responses. If they like the response they see, the younger kids begin to mimic the learned behavior.
However, I believe they might understand the concept of moving up/staying down, if only because they are becoming "big first graders" instead of a 'baby in kindergarten' - that right of passage mind state.
Continue to speak with your daughter about the decision. Remind her that her friends are not leaving her. Mabye they'll be able to eat lunch/play at recess together. If you are still having concernes, you might even involve the Principal/Vice Principal and/or school counselor (if your school is lucky to have one :) ).

[Tom]

It's been my experience that at that age their is very little peer pressure on those repeating a grade, especially kindergarten. After the first few days of school they're so busy that they hardly notice. If they do it is your support and attitude that will matter most

[Tom]

It's been my experience that at that age their is very little peer pressure on those repeating a grade, especially kindergarten. After the first few days of school they're so busy that they hardly notice. If they do it is your support and attitude that will matter most. Hope this helps

[Cindy95]

There is no stigma in holding your child back if they need it. Education is a marathon activity, not a sprint. If your child does not have the skills to keep up with the rest of the class, you are doing her a huge favor by giving her an extra year to develop them. You will be so glad you did, as will she.

I held my son back in first grade in our high-achieving, high-performing school for the same reasons you are considering holding your daughter back in kindergarten. The adjustment was the most difficult in the first two weeks of school, but it became clear to all of us that it was the best decision. He is at the top of his class, a happy, confident participant in the classroom and looked to as a real leader. His self-esteem has soared, he is exceeding all standards of proficiency, and is simply much happier all around. He is thrilled to know he is actually learning, and is very motivated to to to school each day because he knows he is successful. It also helped that he basically doubled his circle of friends (which is what he pointed out to me, actually). We did, however, continue him in activities with his same-age peers, which was important. And even the toughest among them didn't care that he was held back a year in school.

Retention is not something to be ashamed of, although I admit it did bruise my ego until I embraced it. The support of the principal and others was critical in the process; their insight was spot on in helping us deal with some of the inevitable disappointment. She was also on target when she told us the other kids wouldn't pay any attention as they would be busy adjusting to their new classes. The principal should also be aware if there is any kind of teasing (although it probably won't), and you might want to talk with some of your child's peer parents to enlist their support. Most parents are very supportive, because it could just as easily be their child.

You'll be glad in the long run when your child is the head of the class. And so will she.

Cindy

[Unregistered]

I have had retained student in my class, and they do fine. The kids are well aware that she is in kinder- and they take it at as a fact and leave it at that. I have never (yet) seen any negative social consequences to the students of mine who were given the gift of time. Kids this age are social creatures, and tend to make friends easily. If my daughter were in this position, I would not feel uncomfortable keeping her in the same school. Especially since you see the positives in the school as well as the teacher. Begin working now with the teacher. Let her know that you are on the same page about retention,see if she can offer suggestions to help ensure that she get the most out of the remaining year and summer. Are there any summer YMCA or church groups that she can enroll in to build social skills and attention span. Also, Tell your daughter that the teacher PICKED her to stay in kinder. Make her the big kid, helper for all the new kids. Just keep it positive, and matter of fact. I do not foresee a negative outcome.

[Unregistered]

Hi! I don't know if anyone is still checking these messages, but I taught Kindergarten last year and my son started Kindergarten in the classroom next door to me. Before he started, my husband and I had decided that we were going to let him sit out a year and start when he was six (his birthday is in July, tomorrow as a matter of fact). Last year was my first year teaching kindergarten and when I started looking at the kindergarten skills, I realized that my son knew all of the things he needed to know to start school. Honestly, he knew way more of the skills. So, I told my husband that I thought we should go ahead and let him begin. To my surprise, he did very well academically, but struggled developmentally. His teacher complained about him keeping up, getting separated from the group, and being a follower instead of a leader. All of this, I took very personally, but in hindsight realized that just because he was strong academically did not mean he was ready for school.

So, I started reading your messages because I was looking for support in choosing to let my son repeat kindergarten. School is quickly approaching and again, I know that he is more than academically ready for first grade. Thank you for your responses because I am definitely working on my ego and am ready to do what I know will be best for more son. His father and I have talked to him and he is very excited about being a leader in his new kindergarten class. Although he will be attending the same school, he will have a different teacher.

Good luck to all of you. Because even with my background in education, I teeter about whether or not I am making the best choices for my children.

Ms. G

[Unregistered]

I want to say a big thank you to all who have written. I have been literally losing sleep over this decision. My daughter will be repeating Kindergarten starting next week. She'll be in the same school, although with a different teacher. She has two older sisters and I have to say that for the past few years I have been haunted by the feelings that she is not quite where her sisters were at the same ages. I think I have been in denial about it. It does not help either that there are so many contradicting opinions out there! One day I feel, "Oh, she can do the work. I'll just work extra hard with her." The next day, I will think, "no way is she ready for 1st grade and I don't want her to struggle with school for the next ten years."

Literally, I have been agonizing over this. And I took take retention as a personal failure-- she is my third born, I didn't spend as much time with her as the other two, what could I have done differently, etc. In the end, I came to this conclusion: If I make a mistake, which mistake can I live with easier? The answer is, I can live with the mistake of holding her back a year. I can not live with watching her struggle every year (teachers say her problem is simply "developmental") when it could have been prevented. Why am I so down about it now? The phone keeps ringing and it is my daughters' friends asking her who her teacher will be for first grade. I believe I am grieving the fact that she will not be a first grader but a kindergartener, again. And I do believe this is harder on me than it is on her. I am counting on what an earlier writer wrote-- that it will be hardest during the first 2 weeks and then smooth sailing. . . . . Thanks again to all who have written.

Lisa

[Soujourner]

I was held back a year (almost 2) due to birthdate,development and illness.

I was way ahead of my age group in some areas but behind in others.

As you might guess,that gave my family and the school fits.

They decided it was best to work with my developmental stage and treat the rest
'a la carte'.

Summer programs,enrichment programs,tutoring,etc. helped balance my skill levels
so I was only a few months older than my peers by third grade.

They didn't push the 'teacher's aide' bit or the idea that I 'flunked' baby school.

It was stressed that we all grow in different ways and I was doing what worked best for me.

I was completely mainstreamed by fourth grade and able to stay in school full time.

By junior high,I even had near perfect attendance.

If you don't feel as if a child has come up short,he won't feel it either.

Pay attention to what makes the child unique and let size,skill sets,etc. be incidental.

I was VERY grateful that the adults in my life approached my situation as if all my goals
would be achieved-even if it took a different timetable or a different method from the norm.

I never got to pigeonhole myself as either a prodigy or a 'retard'.

I was just me-and thanks to extremely flexible and sensitive adults,that was good enough
for me and my peers.

[Unregistered]

Hi,
Please know I give you all the credit in the world to making the right decision for your child and keeping her in kindergarten another year. As a kindergarten teacher, I think it's the hardest on the parents because many are afraid of what other's will think aand criticize your decision. Your daughter is blessed that she will be given the gift of time that she needs to truly flourish. I've recommended retention to some parents who didn't chose it and have come back to me years later regretting the decision since the academic and social demands increased as the years went on. I've also had children repeat before and have seen huge gains both academically and socially. The child even told the other kids that this (kindergarten) was easier for her because she did it before. Some children didn't get it and others thought it wasn't fair that she got to do it twice... keep a positive attitude and your daughter will follow your lead! Good luck this year!
Joanne

[Linda]

Retention has a powerful, positive effect on children who are 'young' either by the calendar or by maturity level. Reassuring the child that it will be a positve experiece, emphasizing the help she will be to her teacher since she knows a lot already, and making sure the family is supportive of her all can make it a good decision. Retention only hurts children's self-esteem when family members or friends are allowed to repeatedly tease the child. I base this opinion on eighteen years of teaching first and second grade.

I would also urge you to have your daughter evaluated for ADHD if her problems with attention persist this year. It cannot hurt, but 'waiting a few years' can. The fact that this condition may be over diagnosed does not mean it does not exist. I have two daughters with ADHD. They have great difficulty paying attention to lessons, sustaining effort on assignments, and controling impulsive behavior (which in the classroom mainly means the impulse to talk and walk at the wrong times). They would have learned little and fallen far behind their peers if we had ignored their condition and just called it 'immaturity' or 'lively personality' (as one teacher did).

Linda

[Also a Mom]

I always felt being honest with you kids is a good call. They are not as clueless as we think. This is a character builder for her. Learing to face up to things will help her in the future! Good Luck!

[Unregistered]

Hi! As a kindergarten teacher, I have seen students repeat and at that young age it does not seem to have any effect on them at all. Often they are more popular because they know student in the grade above them as well as their current class. I would try to get her placed with another teacher if possible. Often children will respond differently to different styles of teaching. In your daughters retention year, she may benefit from a different perspective on things.

[Unregistered]

In reading all of the positive responses from educators and the difficulty parents face in deciding whether to have their child repeat the same grade, I too initially felt that it was a fine idea for my granddaughter to repeat kindergarten. Then, I began to research what the studies have shown as to whether retention is beneficial to students. The overwhelming result from these studies prove that retention does not help the child over the long run and in most cases has a negative impact on the child. Short term gains may be seen in the first year following the retention, but the improvement stops there. If you want to research what these studies on retention have shown, just type in kindergarten retention, pros and cons, and determine for yourself what is best for your child. I really wished I would have found positive results for retention. Because, if all of these experts who study child development, including school psychologists, state that retention not only does not help the child, but in the long run harms the childs educational experience, I do not understand why retention seems to be the most popular solution. I wish you good luck!! Chere

[Unregistered]

In reading all of the positive responses from educators and the difficulty parents face in deciding whether to have their child repeat the same grade, I too initially felt that it was a fine idea for my granddaughter to repeat kindergarten. Then, I began to research what the studies have shown as to whether retention is beneficial to students. The overwhelming result from these studies prove that retention does not help the child over the long run and in most cases has a negative impact on the child. Short term gains may be seen in the first year following the retention, but the improvement stops there. If you want to research what these studies on retention have shown, just type in kindergarten retention, pros and cons, and determine for yourself what is best for your child. I really wished I would have found positive results for retention. Because, if all of these experts who study child development, including school psychologists, state that retention not only does not help the child, but in the long run harms the childs educational experience, I do not understand why retention seems to be the most popular solution. I wish you good luck!! Chere

I would like to know more about this. Specifically, is there a difference in retention success in retaining a very young child (young in comparison to the other students) who is immature, versus an older child.
Example: If the draw off for kdg. is Sept. 1, and child is an Aug. birthday, does that child have any more success rate than say a child whose birthday is April with the same draw off date?
I repeated kdg. (I was one day after the draw off date--very young) 42 years ago. I have a masters in education and have taught for 22 years. I do understand things are so different now it would be hard to use this as an agrument for retention, but I am still grateful my parent made the choice they did.

[Unregistered]

Does anyone know the current drop out rate for retained children? I understand that the drop out rate for children who are retained is extremely high. Somewhere in the 80-90% range.

Kdrum
K Teacher

[Unregistered]

I have seen drop out rates for retention, and they are high, but I have never seen a study that breaks it down into child's birthday, parent involvement, socio-economic status etc. I would like to see this. I guess I believe that if an August boy who shows great signs of immaturity repeats the outcome will be different than say an April boy who is immature. Would parent involvement affect these statistics? How about socio-economic? To put all retention kids in one batch, really doesn't give a true picture.
I am the poster who wrote that I repeated kdg., and have a masters degree. Apparently I did not drop out.

[Unregistered]

I have seen drop out rates for retention, and they are high, but I have never seen a study that breaks it down into child's birthday, parent involvement, socio-economic status etc. I would like to see this. I guess I believe that if an August boy who shows great signs of immaturity repeats the outcome will be different than say an April boy who is immature. Would parent involvement affect these statistics? How about socio-economic? To put all retention kids in one batch, really doesn't give a true picture.
I am the poster who wrote that I repeated kdg., and have a masters degree. Apparently I did not drop out.

So most likely you were in the bottom 10-20% who did not drop out. hmmm.

kdrum
kindergarten teacher

[Unregistered]

So most likely you were in the bottom 10-20% who did not drop out. hmmm.

kdrum
kindergarten teacher

E-mail does not convey voice tone, so I am not exactly sure how to take the above statement. Is the statement meant as an insult? Please clarify.

[unregistered]

As a teacher of many years experience with Y1 and KG my comment is that sometimes it works sometimes it is a waste of time. Often the struggle along only to feel very different once at high school and the others grow up before them, getting car liscences, part time jobs, boyfriends etc. Talk to your daughter and be honest about the pros and cons of the extra year. I have always called it "catching up with your age" to younger pupils and tell them that they are not going to do the same things all over again but will continue on from where they are at and become good at it. I also point out that if they just keep doing their best, as they have not done anything wrong, they may find it easier to concentrate and complete their work, being older. I think that there is some merit in holding off the extra year till Y1 as much of the initial year is settling in and learning about the school environment, which she already understands. Y1 is about increased independence and getting a good foundation of all the basics. As far as changing schools, why put her through the extra pressure of learning a new environment, teachers as well as friends unless you are moving in which case it is a good opportunity to "consolidate" her learning. Research is divided on the long term effect of a consolidation year, it depends on how it is delt with by the parents, teachers and individual child.

[Unregistered]

:confused:

Hi,

My daugher is in kindergarten and she is the youngest in her class ( 2 weeks before cut-off). In the last teacher/parent conference, she teacher suggested for my daugher to repeat kindergarten due to her immaturity. Her teacher said she is very talkative, unable to sit still, not following directions very well, not able to focus on her work, rushing through work, and does not retain information. Her teacher also suggested to have her evaluted for ADD / ADHD. Academic wise she is rated in the middle in her G/T class.

I am not too surprised to hear these comments from her teacher and I do believe my daugher will benefit from having an extra year to mature. My question is will it impact her in any negative ways if we let her stay in the same school and with the same teacher? She has a great teacher and my daughter likes her. It is a great neighborhood school that has great G/T programs. I am debating whether to let her stay in the same school or move her to a different school. I am worried that she gets negative impacts when she knows her current friends move on to 1st grade while she is still in kindergarten. Will her friends mock her in any way? I am trying to evaluate all of the pros and cons and then decide whether to change school.

Nancy

Stay the same school. Having the same teacher is fine. Having a new teacher is fine. I know with my little ones who have repeated I just don't mention the year before, in case it would cause them any embarrasement. If I need to talk to them about it I do it in private. If they bring it up, I answer their question and move on. She may pout a little a the beginning of school (when her friends go to first), but if you are positive she be positive. If in later years she says to people, "Well, I'm really suppose to be in ...... grade." You answer with, "You are exactly where you need to be. Mom and dad made this very special decision for you." She will eventually drop it, and she will realize as she matures that you did what was best.
How do I know? My parents repeated me (I was the youngest). They were always positive about it.

[Unregistered]

More and more students are being held back, but experts warn that the risks may outweigh the benefits.

More and more students are being held back, but experts warn that the risks may outweigh the benefits.

When my son Sammy started kindergarten, I looked forward to our first parent-teacher conference, imagining all the wonderful things the teacher would say about his interest in history and his precocious verbal skills. Instead, I found myself teetering on a tiny chair while the teacher warned me that Sammy might have to repeat the year. She explained that he was frustrated by and uninterested in just about everything the class did -- a red flag that something was amiss.

Was my bright little boy going to flunk kindergarten, I wondered, because he didn't care about arts and crafts? Was he uninterested or just bored? And should my husband and I agree to have him held back -- or "retained" - if that's what his teacher ultimately advised?



Like many parents, I hadn't realized that success in kindergarten depends on many factors, not just intellectual ability. Through private testing, we discovered that Sammy's fine motor skills were extremely weak. We were also told that having him repeat kindergarten would be devastating for him. Instead, we got him the occupational therapy that was recommended, and he went on to have a great year in first grade.

The truth is, development among kindergarten-age children varies tremendously. One child may come to school already able to read, while another can't tell A from Z. And a child's levels of physical, social, and intellectual development may be wildly uneven. Sammy, for instance, could discuss ancient Troy but couldn't draw a stick figure. What's more, kindergartners can range in age from 4 to 6 because about 5 percent of kids repeat the year and another 7 percent wait a year before starting, according to the latest figures from the National Center for Educational Statistics.

Ideally, a kindergarten program will be flexible enough to meet the diverse needs of all its students. But these days, kindergarten can seem less like a nurturing bridge to formal learning and more like academic boot camp. Increasing pressure to do well on standardized tests in elementary school has pushed the first-grade curriculum down to kindergarten. "In addition to evaluating a child's social and emotional readiness for first grade, teachers now must consider specific grade-level standards instituted by the state or the school district," says Marilou Hyson, Ph.D., associate executive director for professional development at the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), in Washington, D.C. As a result, more children are in danger of not passing muster. However, because kids often make sudden leaps in development later in the year, it can be hard to predict their performance in first grade.



A Gift of Time or a Waste of Time?
Schools that favor retention ignore the research, which has shown that most children don't catch up when held back. There may be individual cases in which a child benefits, such as if she's missed a lot of school because of illness or a move, or if she has significant delays in all areas of development. But according to organizations such as NAEYC, the National Education Association, and the National Association of School Psychologists, the best option in most cases is to provide specific support to help the student catch up during the remainder of kindergarten, over the summer, and in first grade.

"Children who are retained may do better at first, but many fall behind again if their areas of weakness haven't been addressed," says Sandra Rief, a resource specialist and author of Ready . . . Start . . . School! (Prentice Hall, 2001). And the social stigma of being held back can have a major impact on a child's attitude. Studies have shown that by the time they enter middle school, kids who repeated kindergarten are more likely to get into trouble, dislike school, and feel bad about themselves.



Making the Right Decision for Your Child
Most school districts will inform you relatively early in the year if your child is at risk for retention. Ask about any additional services the school can provide and what you can do at home to help. Rief also recommends requesting a student-support-team meeting. These teams -- usually made up of the teacher, an administrator, school-support personnel, and the parents -- can evaluate the situation, plan a course of action, and follow up on your child's progress. The final decision about retention at the kindergarten level is usually up to the parents, but check the policy of your school district.

If you decide to have your child repeat the year, it's better to switch teachers or even schools. "He needs to have a different educational experience, as well as interventions and support to address his areas of need," Rief says. It's also important to explain the plan to your child in a positive way, because your attitude will influence his. Reassure him that you think he'll have a happy and successful year, and work with the teacher to help make that happen.



What All Kindergartners Should Know
Here are some of the skills that children are expected to demonstrate by the end of kindergarten, according to educator Sandra Rief, author of Ready . . . Start . . . School! (Prentice Hall, 2001).

Social-emotional
• Functions as a member of a group
• Copes with mild frustration
• Takes care of personal needs (going to the bathroom, zipping jacket)

Language
• Takes turns listening and speaking
• Asks and responds to questions
• Follows two-step instructions
• Understands common directional words (below, between, above)

Academic
• Knows alphabet and capital and lowercase letters
• Knows most letter sounds
• Decodes simple three-letter words
• Writes name
• Listens to stories
• Understands story concepts of beginning, middle, and end
• Can count to at least ten
• Recognizes similarities and differences
• Can write a simple sentence with invented spelling



Copyright© 2004. Reprinted with permission from the February 2002 issue of Parents magazine.



All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered as opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.

[Unregistered]

There is a book called Yardsticks that identifies what is developmentally appropriate for children in grades pre-k through 8th. From your explanation your daughter is at the developmental level of a kindergartner. Has her teacher modified instrutction for her to meet her needs? Has her teacher identified her learning style (Google Gardners Multiple Intelligence's) and taught her accordingly? Some children may not do well in kindergarten and all of a sudden during winter/summer break a lightbulb comes on and within the blink of an eye you have a child that is thristy for knowledge and sometimes exceeds classmates. If the teacher expects that she is ADD would failing her help her or will meeting her needs help her more? I would suggest that you seek consultaion from a Case Manger, as well as see how your daughter rates with her peers. I am a kindergarten teacher and in my school district you can not retain a kindergartner because they come in at so many different levels. I support this strongly because many children are retained at kindergaten because of lack of support. What you do is differiantate instruction to meet the needs of all of the learners in your classroom thereby helping them to achieve socially and academically. It is easy to fail a child and challenging to teach a child. I personally feel that every teacher should take the challenge of teaching over the defeat of failing a student . Kindergarten is a grade where students don't receive tutoring or any other kind of supplemental program. At least in first grade they qualify for programs that will help them. And how do you know if the teacher is going to change her strategies to make sur that your child is successful. Will the effect of being held back make your child lack confidence and cause her not to succeed because she is already identified as a failure? Retention is not the answer, remiadiation is. Hope this helps.

[Unregistered]

You just said everything that I have been feeling, I think it has been way harder on me.

[Unregistered]

Children are resilliant, they make friends quickly. Holding our children back is definately harder on us. We all want our children to be successful. Parenting is a dfficult, yet rewarding job. We as parents want the best for our children. We dream of having a perfect child, even before our children are born. When our babies are born we check the number of toes and fingers, did our baby walk early or late, when did they say their first word. Each child develops at a different rate phyically, emotionally, and yes, socially. When you have a young child starting kindergarten, they are trying to interact with students with largest degree of varying stages then perhaps any grade. We want our chidren to be the first. It makes us feel that we have done our jobs as parents,but every child learns/develops at a different pace. That doesn't mean there is something wrong. We do our children a disservice when we push them to develop faster then they are ready. They grow up fast enough on their own. Your child's teacher is an excellent resource. They don't want your child to fail. Their job gives them the opportunity/ insight to help you determine if your child is ready to move on to the next grade.

[Unregistered]

:confused:

Hi,

My daugher is in kindergarten and she is the youngest in her class ( 2 weeks before cut-off). In the last teacher/parent conference, she teacher suggested for my daugher to repeat kindergarten due to her immaturity. Her teacher said she is very talkative, unable to sit still, not following directions very well, not able to focus on her work, rushing through work, and does not retain information. Her teacher also suggested to have her evaluted for ADD / ADHD. Academic wise she is rated in the middle in her G/T class.

I am not too surprised to hear these comments from her teacher and I do believe my daugher will benefit from having an extra year to mature. My question is will it impact her in any negative ways if we let her stay in the same school and with the same teacher? She has a great teacher and my daughter likes her. It is a great neighborhood school that has great G/T programs. I am debating whether to let her stay in the same school or move her to a different school. I am worried that she gets negative impacts when she knows her current friends move on to 1st grade while she is still in kindergarten. Will her friends mock her in any way? I am trying to evaluate all of the pros and cons and then decide whether to change school.

Nancy

From my experience, the child you decribe would benefit from another year in Kindergarten. Sometimes children are not developmentally ready for school, they learn at their own pace. I would suggest having her stay another year in Kinder, but with a different teacher. Children at this age don't realize that they are being retained.
Kinder teacher

[Unregistered]

I have seen retention work in some cases and not work in others. The key is to do something different. In many cases students are retained...and that's it...he receives the same instruction as the previous year. A plan must be put in place to meet the individual needs of that student.

[Unregistered]

To anyone faced with the choice of holding a child back a grade I offer this long range thought.

I repeated the 2nd grade not by my school's choice, but by my parents who saw me stuggling
every day. I donot believe that if I had not repeated this grade gaining a firm foundation that I
would have completed High School.

I not only completed my general education but went on to complete my Post Grad. work.
One of my greatest memories of this was when at group meeting of about 35 the instuctor
asked if any in the group had repeated a grade in our early education. To my shock as I raised
my hand in response I saw many other hands also raised and we found that 14 of the group had
repeated K, 1st or 2nd grade.

When asked if we thought we would have completed our education if we had not repeated our
grades, some thought they might have completed High school. But most did not and none believed
we would ever have gone as far as we now had.

The instructor informed us that he agreed and that in most of his Post Graduate classes he found that
he had 20% or more as in our group with the same background.

So when faced with this choice don't just think how your child will react as it happens but at the long
term results and how they will effect your child. Nothing builds a child up more then when they see not
only that they can understand but that learning is not longer a daily struggle but a joy and an adventure
to look forward to.

[Unregistered]

We are considering having our 5 year old son repeat kind. He has a summer birthday and does well intelledtually but has difficulty sitting still and focusing. He is often in trouble for being "silly", talking or moving his body during academic times. We would switch to a parochial school connected with our church in which some of the schools parents would be aware of him repeating. The new prinicipal and teacher agree that it would be good for him to repeat the year to give him a chance to mature, also the days would be half days. Should we be concerned of his new classmates finding out or of any other social stigma?

[Mary H.]

Schools and teachers make it seem that its ok to hold them back and they do not look at the long term effect of holding a child back. My son, age 5, will have been 6 for 2 months before starting 1st grade. All I have heard from his teacher is how he is "at risk" for reading and writing. Well what have they done about it? Answer....NOTHING. So I take my hard earned money and get him a remedial reading K-6 teacher as a tutor. It took them 5 months to get him into the speech pathology program. Yes 5 months, from October to February! They wonder why he is "at risk" in reading and writing.

Parents, don't fail your children. Get them the help they need. The public school system, especially in North Carolina is not there to help children, but to push them through with the least amount of work as possible. They don't have programs for these Kindergartners. If they do, they certainly don't use them.

I am hiring my own private speech pathologist for summer as well as keeping his tutor and he has made progress. In fact, the only place he can't write 3 sentences is at school...he does just fine at home and with his tutor.

The long term effect of retaining a child is hardbreaking and those of you who are doing it....shame on you. Get the help your children need.

[Chocolate_New_Orleans]

We are considering having our 5 year old son repeat kind. He has a summer birthday and does well intelledtually but has difficulty sitting still and focusing. He is often in trouble for being "silly", talking or moving his body during academic times. We would switch to a parochial school connected with our church in which some of the schools parents would be aware of him repeating. The new prinicipal and teacher agree that it would be good for him to repeat the year to give him a chance to mature, also the days would be half days. Should we be concerned of his new classmates finding out or of any other social stigma?

I'd be more concerned that you are raising a kid who won't behave.

[Unregistered]

[I would agree with that as well. Most of the schools I have worked at though require the child to have a different teacher. New approach, new art projects, etc.
Partly Cloudy

[Unregistered]

Lots of children are not ready for the demands of first grade.
Unfortunately most school systems in North Carolina do not make provisions for these children. Some of the ones who are going to be retained should probably actually be placed in a transitional kindergarten class.
It would be more like the second half of kindergarten and the first half of first grade. This type of class could potentially boost self confidence and give the child a chance to mature in an environment that is not so restrictive.
Children could practice previously introduced skills a bit longer and then begin to be introduced to new skills.
I believe some of the students who were possibly thought of as the "underdogs" and low achievers could actually become leaders in a setting that is child friendly and provides lots of postitive reinforcements, music and movements, hands- on materials, and "pie in the sky" a full time teacher and full time assistant in the classroom all day!

Transitional kindergarten classes are what we need for these precious little children!

Partly Cloudy

[Unregistered]

Lots of children are not ready for the demands of first grade.
Unfortunately most school systems in North Carolina do not make provisions for these children. Some of the ones who are going to be retained should probably actually be placed in a transitional kindergarten class.
It would be more like the second half of kindergarten and the first half of first grade. This type of class could potentially boost self confidence and give the child a chance to mature in an environment that is not so restrictive.
Children could practice previously introduced skills a bit longer and then begin to be introduced to new skills.
I believe some of the students who were possibly thought of as the "underdogs" and low achievers could actually become leaders in a setting that is child friendly and provides lots of postitive reinforcements, music and movements, hands- on materials, and "pie in the sky" a full time teacher and full time assistant in the classroom all day!

Transitional kindergarten classes are what we need for these precious little children!

Partly Cloudy






I seem to remeber this approach being tried in the 80's. I haven't read any hard data but I've always gotten the impression that it was one of those concepts that worked better in theory than in practice.

[Unregistered]

I have taught many years in 1st grade and am currently toward the end of my dissertation. I was older and wiser when having my own child. Therefore, I do have some experience from every part of this discussion.

First, take into account that the studies that say risky behaviors and drop outs increase in children who repeat an early grade are not taking into account that most repeaters they're studying are from a low-income, 1-parent, minority, inner city, or other at risk group. Most of those children are already in a set that has a very high chance of risky behavior at older ages so repeating a grade cannot be of that much more negative significance and influence there.

I teach in a consistently high-achieving school with mostly affluent and educated families. I started this school year with 1 child who "flunked" 1st grade and was retained, and 6 whose families decided to retain them in kindergarten for a second year -- voiced reasons by parents varied but mostly: low maturity, young in the grade level, struggling academically. So 7 kids were already 7 years old. They were mature, excited about learning, able to be leaders in any group, and ENJOYED learning. They were never bored. They were collectively proud of being older. And they excelled! So, can you realistically tell me that repeating didn't help them?

That's one year. I agree. But I've followed MANY of my students through the years who either repeated K or 1. They are STILL EXCELLING, still leaders in their classes and very confident.

Repeating a grade in K-2 is not a bad thing, in the right situation. I agree that small school where having the same teacher and watching peers move on may not be easy, but it needs to be considered as a valid solution to maturity issues as well as academic ones.

My family reflection of this also confirms the pattern. I have a sibling, who many years ago had K, 1 and 2 teachers beg my parents to retain him. It was not socially acceptable and they just kept saying, "Oh, maybe he'll catch up." Well, he didn't. He became the class clown to garner positive response from his teachers and peers. Had he repeated and endured some -- yes, some -- teasing along the way, I strongly believe that he would behave achieved much more.

My own child repeated kinder due to low fine motor skills, lack of interest in academia and low maturity ("the pesky kid"). Again, we are in a high-achieving school! He has excelled since and is very assured of himself and loves learning and asking questions beyond the topic.

The question I ask parents whose children are on the fence (not excelling but not completely failing, and some who have little control and are in trouble a lot) is: Would you rather your child probably struggle a great deal for 2, 3, even 6 years and "fail" a grade or be older in the grade and skilled and confident? From that, the answer is usually easy...after a few tears, many conversations with others and a lot of prayer for wisdom.

Way down on my priority list, but of siginificance down the road, my child will be better able to handle the demands of athletics and more mature going to college.

I have had MANY conversations with parents who have kept their children in K or 1 one more year (reflecting the experience from 1 to 20 years ago), and NONE regretted the decision. Their children were better for it!

One last thing to consider... Several of the extremely high achieving countries' children begin 1st grade at 7 and finish 12th grade at age 19 -- ALL of them -- not just the ones who were retained of failed. Then they come to our colleges in America more mature and SMARTER to compete with our own children. Does that teach us anything?

Use your own parental wisdom and know your child. Do lots of praying and talk to parents who have gone both ways -- pushed them on and those who held them back in your school district. But don't let your decision be set upon whether a little teasing should dictate the amount your child can achieve with "one extra chance in a grade."

My advice: If you THINK your child needs a little more time to catch up, HE DOES! Let him/her have the time he needs and be prepared for school and the world at his own biological rate.