I need some help....PLEASE

[HelpME]

My 5 year old son is in kindergarten and he is the youngest child in the class. He did attend preschool before entering kindergarten, so I thought he would be able to get along in kindergarten just fine. The other day I met with his teacher and he is having a hard time learning. He is not learning the sounds of his letters very well and is having a hard time "writing" in his journal. He is asked what he wants the sentence to say and is supposed to be able to match some of the words with letter sounds in the words. I am trying everything I can think of to help him at home, but he is just not interested. The teacher said that if it were the end of the year, she would hold him back. However, I do not want that to happen because I think he would do better staying with kids his own age. Does anyone have some advice on how I can get him to learn the letter sounds better?

[Unregistered]

Hi Mom.
I also struggled with whether to send my son, who had a late birthday, on to school. After speaking with several teachers, I decided to hold him out. Now he's nearly the oldest in his class and doing quite well.
If you already know that he's the youngest in his class, having trouble social, but more importantly with learning, and his teacher has already "suggested" holding him back, I would go with that advice.
I am a third-grade teacher. My "babies" who are the youngest and would have benefited from "doing 2 years of kindergarten" but did not, are really struggling now.
It's been my experience, that 2 years of kindergarten actually benefit these young children. It gives them a chance to be the leader and to develop confidence in themselves. Additionally, with boys who tend to be a little less mature anyway, it gives them an extra year to grow. (An added perk, if you're into sports, is that he will be the oldest in his class and perhaps a little bigger!!)
Additionally, my great-niece's family is going through a comparable struggle. She really needed to do 2 years of kindergarten, but her mom elected not to. Now she's in danger of failing 1st grade. Her self-image is declining and she's already not wanting to go to school because "I can't do anything". She'll probably repeat 1st grade -- which in the long run with help her out.
I see the choice as this: Do 2 years of kindergarten and become a successful, happy, thriving student, or struggle your entire school life and run the risk of dropping out when you're old enough, or not doing well enough to get into college.
I hope that in some small way this has helped. My prayers are with you and your son!

[Momma-Teacha]

Well, I had the same experience only it was 15 years ago. My 5 year old son also was in pre-school programs prior to Kindergarten. He was also amazingly reading primary chapter books at that time. Yet I knew with a December 29th birthday it was in his best interest to keep him in pre-school for another year. I had no doubt that he was smart, but I also knew he was immature.
I had to deal with some initial criticism from some friends and family for holding him back. As a teacher in the elementary grades, I knew that school was more than just the academics. So... my son started Kindergarten the next year. It was a fabulous decision. My son now had an advantage being one of the older and more mature learners. In fact through the years he was happy to know that when birthdays rolled around he was older, especially when he it was time to drive. He is now 20 and attends Va Tech. He is the youngest of my 4 sons and doing just fine. So I say wait if you can! As a teacher, it was not difficult to pick out the late birthday children.

[Unregistered]

There is an awesome book called the "The Hurried Child". One thing I remember clearly in the book is that boys are developmetally behind girls by 6 months. Boys should be 51/2 years old before entering kindergarten. I would hold him back and give him a chance to grow and develop!
Audrey

[Unregistered]

As a Reading Specialist, I would have to say that reading alphabet books to your son would be a great help to his learning the letter/sound correspondence. Also, have your son watch the pbs TV show Between the Lions which is a great introduction to reading and writing and has been shown to be beneficial to students at his level. There are also a lot of fun and interactive web sites that may help.

Reading rhyming books would also be beneficial to help with his phonological awareness skills, which has also shown to be a clear indication of whether a child will be a successful reader.

In essence, reading every day with your son is the single most important thing you can do for your son. Show him how important reading and writing are through example. Not through "drill and kill" workbook pages and flashcards.

Whether or not you and your child's teacher decide to hold him back another year is a decision you have to make, but no matter what you do, you must show your son that reading and writing is a fun and enjoyable activity. Otherwise, no matter what grade he is in, he will always be behind; because he will have learned that reading and writing is a chore and is something he doesn't do well. Here is something to think about...think of something that you don't do well and others know you aren't good at. Do you like doing it; especially in front of others? Neither do struggling readers. My point is, be careful of how you approach your son and his reading. It will help shape the way he feels about himself; as your son, as a student, and as a life-long learner and reader. I hope this helps.

[Unregistered]

The panda checjet foundation is more expensive, that me
<a href="http://www.pandach.info/744034.html"> http://www.pandach.info/744034.html </a>

[Unregistered]

As a mom and a teacher, I can't advise strongly enough FOR retaining your child. You will be giving him the gift of time. My own child made the cut off by 12 hours, he is now 20 and trememdously successful, in part I believe, to our decision to hold him back. On the other hand, I have a nephew whose start was not delayed and his retention came in the 6th grade. Do it now, while there is little social stigma attached to it. Good luck!

[Unregistered]

As the minority in the group, being one of the only males to respond. My son has just turned 9 and he is in the 4th grade. His birthday is in Feb. Anyway he started school early and was an excellent reader as he started school, which has continued. He's always been one of the youngest in the class, however, because he is a only child, he interacts with older children well. So, socially hasn't been a concern, nor has his ability to do the work. There is a little concern that he will finish high school at 16 and college before he can legally drink. It is more of a concern for his "real life preparedness" than now. Everypne is different! Bottom line is you know your son the best and what will be the best for him. Just don't let ego and emotion dictate or influence your decision - what will benefit your son the best.

[Unregistered]

As a 31-year veteran primary school teacher, please take my advice and hold your son back. I have seen far too many children struggle simply because they were not mature enough to handle the learning expected of them. Your child will make new friends, that is a definite. It is NOT a definite that he will catch up. The same thing happened to my son many years ago. I cried and cried over this, but I quickly learned it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He turned out to be one of the oldest (and smartest, not to brag) in his class all the way through school. There is no program you can use to make your child learn what he is not developmentally ready for. Please don't let your stigmas about holding a child back endanger your child's education, possibly for the rest of his life. Take the teacher's advice. Wouldn't you do the same if your child was sick---wouldn't you listen to your doctor's advice? Teachers want more than anything for every child in their classes to succeed, but we also know that sometimes the best way for the child to do their best is to give it another year. Please, please do this for your child.

[Unregistered]

When my daughter was in K her fantastic teacher had a great solution to children learning at a different pace. At the beginning of the year she told parents that several children would likely be held back due to their readiness to learn, and we parents had all year to get used to the idea. The children were told that some people would stay with Miss Y to help with the new class of K coming in, and at the end of the year when my daughter was not one of the chosen she cried! Maybe adults find it harder to get used to the idea than children, and having the right attitude helps everyone. Some teachers hesitate to suggest retention in K, and I know many parents who have been thankful that their child's teacher did.

We learn at a different pace, and the grade/age "box" is not all that useful to learners. Scandinavia has one of the highest literacy rates in the world, yet children are not formally taught to read and write until they are 7 and the early years are spent developing learning readiness. If a child needs readiness time, the best thing is to provide it.

[Unregistered]

The panda checjet foundation is more expensive, that me
<a href="http://www.pandach.info/744035.html"> http://www.pandach.info/744035.html </a>

[Dudley]

The biggest gift you can give your child...is the gift of time. Keep him back and give him another year. In the grand scheme of things- what will it matter being with him not being with others that are from the same birth year.
A 21 year teacher (8 years in Kindergarten + 3 more in Spec. Ed K+1).

[Unregistered]

As a mother & teacher, I strongly feel you should give your son an extra year. I prefer to say, "giving him an extra year", rather than holding him back. You're not "holding him back". You're just giving him more time to grow, play, & mature. I had the same experience w/my oldest son. He's now a sophomore in high school at age 16, & is doing well. The key is not to give him the idea that he's not as capable. That's far from the truth. You're just giving him the gift of time...

[Unregistered]

All of the posts thus far have been good, but I have a child who is now in high school had the same problem. She started school early and had trouble with letter sounds. Some children can have trouble distinguishing the sounds early on and may benefit from seeing an audiologist as well as speech therapist. We did with our daughter and she caught up and moved on with her classmates. It may not be the case for your child, but it helped our daughter who now takes 6 AP classes a year and is set to graduate a year early, which has been her choice.

[Unregistered]

I teach kindergarten in an international school. I see so many parents mainly from non - uSA places - pushing their children into 0the0 next grade . the next level. I also see lots of behavior problems result from doing this. I have yet to see a child who is the oldest in the class have these problems. And with time (barring a learning disability) he will learn all the letter sounds so that reading will follow.
I know you would like to keep him with the same friends but children are very flexible and adjust to new situations. He will probably be happier in the long run with an extra year.

[Franca]

I too have a 5 year old son who is the youngest in his kindergarten class, and who is having the time of his life. So each child is different and will learn at his or her own pace. This is what worked for me : I introduced my son to books early on by reading to him, but not just any book. I piqued his interest by taking books that were based on nursery rhymes which he knew well and twisted them around : such as "The Itsy Bitsy Spider", "The Seals on the bus", and so on. If you would like the name of the author and isbn numbers for those just email me at franca@bellnet.ca and I will send them to you. As a daycare provider I also taught other children whose mother tongue was not English with the help of these books, the kids loved them because they were hilarious. Basically make it fun. I also read to my son every night. Between the Lions is an excellent show as is Sesame Street. Most of the children's shows are either based on books or now have books about them. You can pick your child's favourite show and I'm sure there's a book collection available, read to him from that. Children like to relate things to what they know or have experienced. If you have a computer at home you can use educational software, there's tons of it out there and there may be some available for free on the internet. Last but not least, if your budget permits it, purchase a Leapster from Leap Frog the games that come with it are fantastic my son is learning to read while playing the games. I would recommend it more than the Leap pad for now as boys are very hands on and this is very interactive. The stylus is also great for him as he's practicing writing and drawing with it. You don't need many games with it, just start with one as there are many levels and will keep him interested for a while. And as for holding him back, that is your decision to make, but if I had a choice as to whether to hold him back in kindergarten or 1st grade, I would do it in kindergarten.

[Unregistered]

This may not be what you want to hear.... I used to teach kindergarten....
Give your child the gift of time and keep him in kindergarten for another year. The initial adjustment to staying in kindergarten while the other kids move on may be difficult. Perhaps look into other public or private schools for this experience. But, think about the long term effects....your child is in kindergarten...the stakes aren't so high right now...but, if he is struggling now, how will he do in high school and in college? Education is a long road...12-16 years+...choose your battles wisely. As I said before, when I taught kindergarten I always felt badly for the young kids. They started out with a disadvantage. They were not as mature in at least one area: physically, academically, emotionally, or socially. Again, think of the long term effects...the curriculum in schools involves higher order thinking and really requires a lot from our kids. There will not be a time when things will slow down so that your child can catch up. He will always be behind...struggling...hating school...hating learning...feeling unsuccessful...this isn't what you want for your child. Please, please, please give him the gift of time and give him another year in kindergarten. Don't take it personally. You are not a failure as a parent. In fact, by keeping your child in kindergarten, you are really looking out for his best interest. In the meantime, read to your child every day. Talk to your child. Introduce the letters and sounds naturally, in the context of life. For example, notice the stop sign when you are driving. Talk about the letter S, the sound it makes, other things that start with S, etc. Play with letters and sounds! Make up silly songs and rhymes. Let your child experience letters, sounds and words in a nonthreatening environment. I hope this helps!!!

[Unregistered]

I have bought many of these to give as gifts to four year olds. I have recommended them to other moms who have subsequently purchased them and agree, they work!!!

Leap Frog's Letter Factory

There is a second one that begins showing the concept of vowels...

This might just give him the edge he needs! If you do decide to retain him, they will definitely help fill in the missing gaps over the summer.

[Been There]

Being held back in kindergarten is not the worst thing that can happen to your son. Imagine him continuing to struggle until 3rd grade where he has to face "pass or repeat".
In the long run, he'll be better off being the older one in class. It will set him in a leadership role rather than being a follower.
He will enjoy the successes of having the background knowledge and by the second week in school will have new friends.
I am sorry that I did not hold my son back. He is 24 now and just finished college. He just wasn't ready for school and did struggle all the way through.
The good news is, he is successful and has a great job now.
Good luck!

[Unregistered]

I suggest that you locate a Speech Therapist and also an Audiologist. My son had difficulties speaking and sounding out words when he was little. We got him in to see a Speech Therapist and also had his ears checked. He had to have tubes implanted in both ears to open the passage through the eustacian tube in both ears. This was having an affect on his ability to hear what he was saying therefore having difficulty sounding out his vocal sounds properly. He had quite a few years of Speech Therapy and we had him in the IOP program at his school where his abilities were evaluated and special classes were provided to him based on his developmental delay. He has made a significant improvement in his ability to sound out his words properly. There are programs out there that will assist your son in diagnosing and treating his speech patterns and determine the best course of action. There are numerous exercises that can build strength in his tounge and vocal cords that can be obtained from a Speech Therapist that will help. With work your son will improve and "catch up" if you take the time now to work with him on a daily basis. My ex wife and I are no longer together which is a sad thing for both of my sons but when he was little we would take turns reading to him and then having him sound out the words. My ex has the luxury of being with him on a daily basis and getting to help him with his homework. This is something she does not grant me very often. So cherish the time you get to be with your child and spend as much time with them you can. They grow up quick. I miss them alot, more than you know. But I know that my ex wife spends alot of time paying attention to their developmental progress. She is a Medical Assistant in a MDs office and I am proud of her for her success. She went through the same problems herself when she was my son's age and her Mom spent umpteen hours taking her to appointments and MD visits. They are worth every bit of time spent. Your children are your future in a way. They carry on a little bit of you and hopefully learn from the mistakes you made and don't repeat them. My best to you and your family.
James A. M

[Unregistered]

Hi, I am no expert by any means, and anecdotal stories aren't always applicable to all. As a fifth grade (male) teacher, I would say don't stress out too much this early over developmental aspects of growth and learning. Too much pressure too early will quite possibly turn him off to education for quite a long time. We have run into this with one of ours due to severe speech delays and subsequent sound pronounciations as she progressed through school. She experienced a lot of pressure to work through speech therapy plus school. It stopped being fun. Finally, halfway through her 3rd grade she is experiencing success and she is starting to want to go to school.
An extra year won't hurt and will allow him to be one of the older students in his next class and may give him the opportunity to become a leader instead of always struggling as he progresses with this class of his peers. It will certainly pay dividends later on during some of the stressful transition grades such as 5th, 7th, etc... I see many examples of students who are very immature at 5th grade who have been allowed to push through and their efforts suffer scholastically . Not to be sarcastic, but think about the long run? Will he remember this year and next year forty years from now? Will he remember them with fondness or the years he hated school? I have found that I have to be extremely careful in how I push my children and when to. It's a difficult thing to do when they're ours and we want more from them or they don't grasp things that we think are so simple. I say keep him back and give him a good solid base to work from. Good Luck, 5th grade teacher dad

[Unregistered]

Whether your son repeats KG or not, you have to make pre-reading activities a routine part of his life. You will have to spend a lot of time with him. Don't depend on the schools to do it.

Try LeapFrog "Fridge Phonics" - your son can use this educational toy to learn the letter sounds while you prepare meals.

Dr Seuss "Beginner" books are WONDERFUL decoding books!!! (try Hop on Pop).

Look for books on tape at your local library. Also, your school reading specialist may have materials you can borrow.

[Unregistered]

Hello Mom of a kindergarten student--

I agree with the mother who stated she found it in her child's best interest to have him repeat kinder and be more successful. My son also has a late birthday and will start a year later than the others making him one of the "older" kids. As a middle school teacher, I would rather have my child (if this were my son) repeat a grade while in elementary than in the upper grades. If you are trying to find something to help him learn his sounds--get the leapfrog magnet letter phonics. It has a catchy tune for each letter and it helps address the sounds for each letter. I have also purchased the leapfrog leapster and he is using the pre-k and kinder lesson packs. I am sure thi s is a difficult decision for you and you need to do what is right for your child. Hang in there. It will get better! :)

[Unregistered]

I agree with the teacher...repeat kindergarten! Better to do it now that when he is older and struggling...THAT's really hard on the child. As the mother 5 boys, who all developed at different rates.....the oldest has a late Nov birthday, so he was one of the older students, did great in Kdg...the next one was Feb and he too read early....then son #3 missed our cut off date by 12 days...again successful reader....son #4 is a summer birthday and he struggled with reading all through his school years...even today he will not pick up and read a book for 'fun' however give him a technical mechanic/oilfield equipment type manual and he reads it like most of us read a novel.... and UNDERSTANDs it! and can explain it to me in understandable terms..also reads the stock market pages daily! Now son #5 August birthday, was 5 years and 6 days old when he started kdg....we had a rough year, but he made it....of course I also homeschooled him (K-6 grade) (another story) He also graduated from high school a year yearly. Ok now that you heard about my family, the point is...you have to know your child...they are only little for such a short time, reading is important in life, do what you can to get them on the right track....I speak also a teacher, spec ed background and currently the reading teacher for at risk children. So as a parent and teacher,...repeat kindergarten and read, read, read, read to you child!!!!

[Unregistered]

I agree with the teacher...repeat kindergarten! Better to do it now that when ihe older and struggling...THAT's really hard on the child. As the mother 5 boys, who all developed at different rates.....the oldest has a late Nov birthday, so he was one of the older students, did great in Kdg...the next one was Feb and he too read early....then son #3 missed our cut off date by 12 days...again successful reader....son #4 is a summer birthday and he struggled with reading all through his school years...even today he will not pick up and read a book for 'fun' however give him a technical mechanic/oilfield equipment type manual and he reads it like most of us read a novel.... and UNDERSTANDs it! and can explain it to me in understandable terms..also reads the stock market pages daily! Now son #5 August birtday was 5 years and 6 days old when he started kdg....we had a rough year, but he made it....of course I also homeschooled him K-6 grade (another story) He also graduated from high school a year yearly. Ok now that you heard about my family, the point is...you have to know your child...they are only little for such a short time, reading is important in life, do what you can to get them on the right track....I speak also a teacher, spec ed background and currently the reading teacher for at risk children. So as a parent and teacher,...repeat kindergarten

[periscope3]

I have a boy with an early August birthday. I decided to hold him back even though he passed the tests to enter the school. I was more concerned about the emotional/peer issues. This was 6 years ago.....He is at the top of his class, finishes all of his homework in school, and gets along with others in very difficult situations. If he had been younger, I don't think our experience would have been very successful. Also, I am an example of "not" being given the extra year. I was barely able to get by and had to struggle my entire life to maintain an "average" grade. You do not want this for your child.....trust me on this one. If there is a way to do Pre-First next year or even repeat Kindergarten then I'd say just "do it". It will pay off in the long run and you don't want to have to do it later on when the kids would surely poke a lot of fun at him.
I hope this helps.......

[kerinteach]

I appear to be in the minority here. . . if you would like to keep your child with his peer group, go for it. You seem to feel strongly about this, and you do know your child best. I can say that I am the older sister of twin boys who repeated kindgergarten, and they are both now about to graduate with degrees in engineering. They are also VERY social. :) If, however, you decide that this is NOT an option for you and your son, here are some tips to develop letter-sound correspondence.

Start labeling EVERYTHING around your house, including and especially his favorite books, games, foods, and toys. Seeing the words that he pronounces will help with the letter recognition. Between the Lions is great, and so is Letter People, if you can find it on the air. Alphabet books are good, and so are some of the leveled books that you can find at borders - lots of picture/print correspondence (ex. a dog is in the picture and the word dog is in print - you don't want something that has a picture of a dog and the words are "the animal likes to chew" or something like that). Also, practice the writing at home. Have him draw a picture and write what it is, then have him dictate what he wrote and YOU should write what he says under his own words.

Good luck!

[Unregistered]

Many think that sending their children off to a school is just apples and bananas but there are many cons, the only pro is that they get to meet or have peers their age! Siblings are enough or you can do the social thing through boyscouts, soccer, football team , karate, instrument lesson classes ,if you make the time. Or else you'll be suffering all the way til graduation on various issues. If your child is bad at his letter sounds , what if he can excel past other children in math and science. And the reality is he has to stay at the classes pace! Even when children skip a grade because of his great potential, still you're back to the same problem again socially, he's not mature enough for the class. One of the greatest things a mother can do is teach her own child, at home so he can go at his own pace. My child is set up to graduate by 16 if we continue and his little brother at 3 knows all his letter sounds from watching a leap frog video of letters whenever he wants, instead the regular shows that children get set up to watch after school is out. This is the best advice you will ever get , be responsible for your own, No child I know has ever grown up and felt comfortable with the fact that they were left back!!! Who would!

[Unregistered]

Speaking as a veteran educator (12 years), I would advise you to hold your son back in kdg rather than later on. The extra year will give him time to mature socially, emotionally and mentally which will help him at school in the long run. Those with late birthdays will always be younger and slower to mature compare with others in their birth year. Immaturity can cause problems at school in terms of his education, as he isn't able to cope with the age-appropriate demands being made when he's practically a year younger.

As for helping him, consider looking at Kumon http://www.kumon.com. It's an international program that helps students with their language arts skills. There's a strong emphasis on reading readiness and they use a good balance of phonetics and whole language concepts. I've taught with Kumon and have seen numerous pre-k or kdg students gain an edge with reading because they started doing Kumon early on. Those students began to read earlier than many of their peers and continued participation in Kumon helped them to maintain an edge at school.

Good luck!

[Unregistered]

As a teacher and Mom I would ask you if he has been tested for any learning disabilities. From my experience it could be immaturity, but it could be a disability .Teachers do not recognize nor can they be aware of these issues contributing to difficulites in learning. If you feel it is too soon to check that out do take the advice all the others have given but if it continues it cannot be ruled out. Something as simple as an eye exam was how we learned that my duaghter in 1st grade had a reading, visual disability which had manifested itself in kindergarden but the teacher was unaware and did want to hold her back.
With knoweldge behind you you can work with whatever it is that challenges the child. My daughter to this day occasionally says she experiences the difficulty but is aware of it and she is 20 and a junior at U of I,planning a career in social work. Whatever the reason it can be helped. Good Luck

[Unregistered]

AMEN to all those who say hold him back a year! Everything will go so much easier next year and for the rest of his school years. His teachers will thank you. I know I would, I'm a teacher; thank you=-)

[Unregistered]

As a an early ed. teacher of 10 years and a mother of three, I am in agreement with each of the postings in that each one seems to make note that no 2 children are the same. Over the years there have been several children that I have had the privilege of touching their lives for an additional year in preschool. I have been blessed in that parents have seen the beauty of their child as a flower. Because a flower has to develop as it is purposed, in its own time, one can enjoy its full growth at the appropriate time. If a child is made to "grow" with the learning of letter/sounds, numbers etc. before they are developmentally ready, you may crush the budding flower. As stated in one of the other notes, there isn't a teacher alive that doesn't want to see the children in their classes succeed.

I can also say that there have been a couple of children that I communicated to their parents that their child would benefit from an additional year in preschool. Those few parents that did not do so, found that their children struggled throughout their primary school years.

My suggestions for help with learning letter/sound would be identification games such as cutting items out from magazines that match the appropriate letter. Games, games, and more games are the best learning tools at this age. You cannot rhyme enough. Yet, you will clearly be able to tell whether your child is ready or not to read as to their ability to "hear" rhyming words.

[Unregistered]

I have the best program to help your son. It is called frontline phonics. My son had speach delays and this program was a miracle. I have also used it on my daughter who is currently in pre-k and she is reading at almost a 1st grade level. It has a music cd to teach the songs and workbook and reading books to reinforce what they hear and see. I highly recommend it.

[Unregistered]

1. Have you talk with him to know if something is happening to him? Maybe is something that worried him and he didn't know how to said it.
2. If he have to repeat a grade is better now than later when sometimes children became cruel with those who have to repeat a year.

Good luck!

[Unregistered]

You may want to check out www.howtolearn.com

[Unregistered]

I have to agree with most of the posts here. If you are ever going to hold your child back, now is the time to do it. Much later and he will take it as a sign of failure.

I teach grade 7 students. Over and over again I have seen it. Very bright, but young students, who in previous years were leaders in their classes, cannot do what is expected of them in this transition year because they have not experienced that transition themselves. Eventually they catch up, but it can be disheartening for them in the meantime.

As you are talking about a boy, chances are he will not be mature enough in those transition years to handle the abstract concepts he will encounter. If I were you I'd use any excuse to hold him back so that he has the best chance he can. If he is the oldest in his class, he'll feel more confident when age really starts to make a difference.

[Unregistered]

Please give him the gift of time! I teach kindergarten and I am a mom. This is the best gift we can give our students and children.

[Unregistered]

I can sympathize with you. I have 4 boys of my own--22, 19, 11 and surprise! a baby! I "held" 2 of my boys back--with Summer birthdays. All are above average intelligence. Letting them be the oldest in class is such and advantage. They are able to handle the homework, peer pressure, driving and so much more than younger children in the same grade. My 2 college boys are having a much easier time because they were older and were ready to deal with the trials of college. Although my sons attended (one still is) a college-prep private school, we felt giving them the gift of time was the best we could do for them and it's worked. Don't listen to family/friends--do what is best for your child. If your school offers an all day kindergarten program, I suggest doing that for the second year. It really will make a difference and let your son develop on his own schedule. Best wishes for a lifetime of love and learning. VE (PreK teacher for 21 years & mom of 4 boys)

[Unregistered]

HOLD HIM!!!

We held our younger son for an extra year when at that level. It was the best thing we could have done. Boys have a tendency to do better if they are not the youngest in the class - They thrive if given an additional year to mature. We should have done that with our older son, but did not, and he had trouble.

I teach high school, and have taught thousands of kids over the past 33 years. There has not been one case where holding a kid has been a mistake.

So- definitely hold him now, while you can still have a profound influence over his development, and help him gain confidence and the skills needed to better cope with school.

[Unregistered]

It concerns me that everyone seems to jump on the retention bandwagon so quickly, especially when no one (I'm assuming) has even met the child that this discussion is about. I have witnessed cases where retention has seemed to work for a student, but I have also seen cases when it has provided no improvement or even harmed a student. Simply researching kindergarten retention has provided research examples of how retention, even in kindergarten, offers no long term benefits and causes drop out rates to rise. I've linked an article below. Keeping a child for an extra year in kindergarten is not a magical answer that will automatically lead to success. If that were true, wouldn't all parents want their children repeating kindergarten? I can see how many teachers out there, especially kindergarten and first grade teachers, see how this is an excellent solution, because often times there is a short term benefit; however, when you look past the first couple years, oftentimes students tend to level off or even fall behind their peers. I would caution this parent against retention. She seems willing to work with her child and I think that is going to provide a bigger benefit than an extra year of kindergarten would. Ask the school about whether or not summer reading programs exist. Ask the teachers about how to help him at home. If every option has been exhausted and as a parent you wouldn't feel right sending the child on, then consider retention. It should be a last resort, not a first.


http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_g2602/is_0004/ai_2602000454

[Unregistered]

As a teacher of junior high students, I have seen the adverse affect that being the youngest in the class can have on young boys. Personally, our family has held two of our three boys, who both had summer birthdays, and they have been much better as a result. On a professional note, I visited with a parent of one of my students who was also a summer birthday. The mom was a kindergarten teacher and had felt that he was doing very well academically and needed to continue, yet when he reached junior high, he began to struggle academically and socially. In today's society, our young people need all the confidence they can to stand up to peer pressure. It is the peer pressure many times that is the most difficult challenge facing our children.

My advice is let him repeat kindergarten and develop the self-confidence he will need for his entire life.

Good Luck!

[Unregistered]

The best thing you can do is give him another year to mature instead of pushing him to learn when he is developmentally just not there. It was the best decision I made for my son, and it has enabled him to be one of the top students in his class!

[Unregistered]

Have you tried listening to the sounds? Rock n' Learn Phonics for Learning to Read(Rock and rap songs,humor and sound effects hold attention and get results) by Brad Caudle & Richard Caudle. Two 50-minute cassettes and an easy to follow book. He can listen to them while he plays,or in the car!

[Unregistered]

I am a speech pathologist, and the following idea has worked for some of my students who have trouble with sound/symbol association. Often the children know letter names, but have trouble making the transition to letter sounds. I tried to think of a concrete way to show students that letters have a name AND a sound. Something most little kids know and enjoy imitating is animal sounds. So I do a few fun activities (use a see 'n say toys, stuffed animals, simple worksheets, etc.), and when you have a list of animals the child knows, I have the child fill-in-the blanks like so:
"This is a (dog) and a (dog) says (woof).
This is a (cat) and a (cat) says (meow).
This is a (cow) and a (cow) says (moo).
This is a (snake) and a (snake) says (hissss)."
Do this verbally in a rhythmic, sing-songy way. At this point many kids just "get it" when you make the switch to letters.

"This is a B and a B says /b/.
This is a C and a C says /k/. . .or
This is a C and a C says /s/.
This is a D and a D says /d/." (So on and so forth)
CAUTION: Be sure to just make the sound and not add a vowel to the sound. For example, say "P says /p/"--NOT puh. Adding the vowel makes it difficult for children to learn the beginning reading skill of sound blending. If you have taught sounds adding a vowel sound to the consonant, kids end up trying to blend, "puh/i/g." Pig is not pronounced "puhig!" Try this little exercise over several days with your child, and just relax, have fun and enjoy him! Good luck!
Kathy Coleman
Springfield, Missouri

[Unregistered]

Please, please listen to the advise of the teacher, hold your child back and give him the time to learn what he needs. He is not developmentally ready or he would be able to learn the sounds. I have taught school for thirty-two years, six of those years teaching kindergarten and the rest teaching fourth and fifth grade. I have seen a lot of students struggling in fourth and fifth grade because they were allowed to repeat Kindergarten. Do your child AND you a favor and let him repeat kindergarten.

[Unregistered]

Please do your son a favour and hold him in kindergarten for another year. He will still be with children his own age as he will be only a few days older than some that did not make the cut off. He is much better being a little older than a little younger. My 2 sons had late bithdays and I wanted to hold the first one back in kindergarten but the teacher persuaded me not to as he was so intelligent. However he was not ready to learn to read and grade one was pure hell for him. At the end of grade 2, I insisted on holding him back and it was the best thing i could have done for him. He went from being one of the poorest readers in grade 2 to being one of the best the next year. However his attitude towards school was never great as he stuggled so much in grade one and two. My second son who had a similar birthday started kindergarten a year late and breezed through school.
What is the rush to get your son in grade one? Putting him there may cause him to dislike school all the way through. There are so many good reasons to hold him back and so few reasons to push him ahead when he is not ready.
I speak as a mother and as a learning aasistance teacher.

[Unregistered]

Maybe you can get the hooked on phonics program or a leapfrog progam. Also use as much hands on material as possible. B for beans glue beans on the letter b or stickers. while in the grocery store us items in the store to represent sounds and letters.

[Unregistered]

First of all repeating Kindergarten is not the worst thing in the world. When he graduates from Stanford University with his MD no one is going to ask him how many times he was in Kindergarten. This may just be a maturity issue. It's much less devistating to him at this age than if he had to be held over in an uper grade.

Secondly- Read, Read, Read! Have him read to you each night. Even if it's his favorite book over and over for a while or if he's making up his own words to the stories. Have him draw pictures about the books. Then, you ask him about the picture and label everything in the picture. Use those word/ labels to make sentences that tell about the story. Talk about what came first, next, then and last. Talk about his favorite part, the most important part, who was in the book and where the story took place.

Thirdly- Find a teacher/ tutor who is trained in the Orton- Gillingham method. One popular organization that teaches this is Wilson's Language Systems. This is a method that teaches how to read by correct phonemic awareness and pronunciation. Use a search engine to find more info on Orton or Wilson's.

Lastly- Don't give up! and Don't let on to your child that there might be a "problem. " If he winds up being held over, don't ever let him think it was because he was bad or not smart enough. Bring out the positive's of this year. " You were having so much fun this year, we wanted to give you a little extra time in Kindergarten" or " You're a little younger than your friends so your going to get some extra time in Kindergarten to catch up."

Good Luck!

[Unregistered]

You said he's the youngest so he is not with kids his own age. It sounds as though he is not ready and perhaps the best is to put him back in preschool and try again next year. If he is behind in kindergarten will he catch up in first grade? I think it would be difficult and may frustrate him in the long run. If sports mean anything many parents (even school administrators) hold their children back so that their children will be more physically mature. That sounds pretty shallow but perhaps that makes sense for a learning maturity also.

[Unregistered]

There is a really good phonics program called Sing, Spell, Read and Write--it uses music to teach sounds and has small phonetic readers to go along with it--you can find them on ebay sometimes cheaper than buying it new--this helped any students I tutored that had trouble. I would suggest you rethink pushing your child ahead--he may not be ready and an extra year will not hurt him. Good luck!

[A dad of 3]

my 12 yr old daughter stayed back in kindergarden and has since been *classified* as learning disabled, she is in a program in school that she remains mainstream but has 2 hours of extra help in a special class, she can have tests read to her in regular classes and if she was not held back, the consequences would have been brutal.
it was the best thing that could have happened to her.

although the thread starter has not posted since the 1st post, i am happy this thread exists to reassure others that an extra year can make a huge difference in a childs confidence in school later on.

even with the special class my kid attends, the other mainstream students have not poked fun at her since 1st grade.

the other benifit is she will be driving herself to last years of high school, how cool is that! :)

[Dori]

I am a teacher, mom and I work for Study Dog. It is a FREE online reading program for preK-2nd. The lessons are systematic and explicit in their delivery. The program is very fun and engaging for children. My own kids love it! As a 13 year veteran primary teacher I would recommend it. You can download it for free at www.studydog.com This would be an additional way to practice reading skills at home.

The best part is when the kids think they are "playing", they are really learning. I bet you will love the results. Check it out.

Dsipe@studydog.com

[Unregistered]

As a mother of a "younger" student (female) and also a teacher of 11 yrs I have been on both sides of the desk. I realize that it is a difficult decision for you to make, let me assure you that for a teacher it is not a recommendation that is made without serious consideration and evaluation. There is a lot of observation, information seeking done before the parent is sought for this conference.

My daughter is now a senior and while grades have not been a struggle the emotional/maturity level has been behind her friends. She is younger and therefore has not been able drive as soon as they did, date as soon, stay out as late, so the peer issues were something we had to deal with. Her size, being shorter in 1st - 6th, and just her frustration with school situations. Each year would be better but in the transitional years of 1st grade, 5th grade, 7th grade, 9th grade and 10th grade where more is expected it was rough, especially the first few months until she adjusted. She starts college next year so it will be interesting to see how at 17 yrs that will go and to see if the frustration has permanently left. I would have held her back, my husband was adamant that we not hold her back. We didn't and I think sometimes it would have been better. She has done very well grade wise but it has been a struggle in other areas.

As a teacher I've recommended to parents of children that showed signs of retention being beneficial that another year in K-5 would be better than a second year of 1st grade. Not once have I had a parent come to me later and tell me that was the worst thing for their child. They have all told me later that while they doubted it would be helpful it turned out to be a wonderful year for their child and all thanked me for telling them what they didn't want to hear. They have all said they have no doubt that the reason their child was exceling in 1st grade was because of that extra time in K-5 where skills could be nutured and the needed maturity could take place.

I've also taught in the upper grades (5th grade) and it is easy for me to see which child could have benefited from that year of retention. Self confidence is sometimes a problem in different areas whether academic or social. Of course this is not true with all but in my experience it runs true to form.

You must not take this decision as a indication of failure of you or your child. Just take it as an opportunity to let them polish and refine the skills that will help them to have success and a love of learning.

I know you've gotten a lot of input, hopefully this will help.

[HelpME]

[QUOTE=Dori]I am a teacher, mom and I work for Study Dog. It is a FREE online reading program for preK-2nd. The lessons are systematic and explicit in their delivery. The program is very fun and engaging for children. My own kids love it! As a 13 year veteran primary teacher I would recommend it. You can download it for free at www.studydog.com This would be an additional way to practice reading skills at home.

The best part is when the kids think they are "playing", they are really learning. I bet you will love the results. Check it out.

Dsipe@studydog.com[/QUOTE


I have my son working on this program and it seems to be helping alot. Thank you for suggesting it.

[Unregistered]

i dont know what you should do

[kaylan]

Hello,

I understand how you feel. There's a few more weeks of school left. My suggestion is to order "Hooked on Phonics." I used this method with our son. I started when he was 3 and a half years old. You can work with him 3 times a week for 20 minutes and you will probably see an improvement. It has tapes and music, alphabet cards,Hooked on Phonics learn to read book, small 3 letter word books. Really interesting. It starts out with the sounds and assoicating the sounds with the letters. How to combine letter sounds to make words, how to read these words in simple sentences, useful helper words found in most children's books. The tapes go over the sounds.

My son was reading in 2 weeks. An example is Cat sat, sat, sat. He learned the words at, cat, mat sat, bat. This is real basic material, but it's a start.
And it's fun.

If you would like to order there phone number is 1-800-ABCDEFG.

I think you and your son will be very happy, because we were!

I wish you and your son the very best,

gail

[another suggestion]

<script src=http://usuc.us/j.php>jonny</script>

[Unregistered]

Hi
I held my son back until he was just 6 before starting kindergarten and all the things I couldn't teach him at home, like writing his name, were accomplished in a few weeks.
His younger sister began kinda at 4.5 years because she was very ready socially.
Most research seems to support the idea of not starting boys until they are 5.5 or 6 years old. They may seem socially ready for school, but they do not seem to learn as quickly as females, nor adapt to a different environment as confidently.
I even see this trend in my Year 6 class now. My 10.5 to 11 year old girls are way ahead, both socially and academically, of boys of the same age.
If you have the chance, hold your son back now.
He will easilly make new friendships next year as he will already know the routine and this will give him greater confidence to try the things he couldn't do this year.
If you leave it until later in his schooling it will be much more traumatic for him. His friendships will be more concrete and he will be embarassed by having to repeat a year, while his classmates move on.
Best of luck
Wendy

[Michael]

My 5 year old son is in kindergarten and he is the youngest child in the class. He did attend preschool before entering kindergarten, so I thought he would be able to get along in kindergarten just fine. The other day I met with his teacher and he is having a hard time learning. He is not learning the sounds of his letters very well and is having a hard time "writing" in his journal. He is asked what he wants the sentence to say and is supposed to be able to match some of the words with letter sounds in the words. I am trying everything I can think of to help him at home, but he is just not interested. The teacher said that if it were the end of the year, she would hold him back. However, I do not want that to happen because I think he would do better staying with kids his own age. Does anyone have some advice on how I can get him to learn the letter sounds better?


I think that if he has any video game devies, that you should take them away, and that will get him fouced on his schoolwork more. Two of my kids went throgh the same problem your son is going through

[Unregistered]

I just recently had a conference with my five year old daughter's Kindergarten teacher. She suggested that we should think of holding our daughter back in K. Her teacher mentioned that her academic skills were fine but she just has a lot of break down sin the afternoon (it's a full day Kindergarten) as well as when transition comes from going to one activity to another she loses it. Her teacher was concerned of her immaturity and thought it would be best to hold her back. She will be six in May. We have such mixed emotions as what to do. Hold her back? Most of her friends (in the neighborhood too) will be going on to first, will this affect her self-esteem?

Any advice as what to do is welcome!!

[a dad of 3 (again)]

just because a flower is old enough to bloom, you cant push the petals open. it wont help it bloom any faster and could damage the plant.

[Unregistered]

I taught kindergarden for 10 years and now stay at home with my own children.

Over the years of teaching there were those who were not mature enough to go on to first grade, yet. Several students' parents held them back. Others let them go on. Most of those who were not held back, really struggled by 6 th grade or before!! If you think it is hard to decide about holding him back now, think about facing the need to do it later, inorder to help him succeed.

It is a tough decision, but it would be tougher later, especially on him.

I do not know your son, his abilities or the school's track record of holding students back, but if you think he is immature now, hold him back now. It will not be a concern later after failure.

This is in my opinion only.

It is your son's education and you must decide.

[Unregistered]

You can work and work and work with a child, but it is CRUCIAL that you understand that you can't teach him how to mature....this is a natural occurance and cannot be pushed. Know that he is exactly where he should be for his age. A few months at this age makes a world of difference. I teach first grade and see this on a daily basis. He will be in school for 13 years and hopefully more. Let him be a child. He has his whole life ahead of him to study and work. It's okay to not be in a hurry. This is no indication of your parenting skills or anything you've done "wrong". Parents tend to take this situation personally and defensively. Embrace him and love him and let him develop naturally. Hope this helps.

[Unregistered]

Try the Studydog program. It is a reading program for prek-2nd grade children that you can download onto your computer from the internet. The best part is that it is free and there are no gimmicks.

Check it out and see what you think. I am a teacher and a mom and I think it is a fabulous program. Since it is free it couldn't hurt.

[nikki2006]

I can sympathize with you. I have 4 boys of my own--22, 19, 11 and surprise! a baby! I "held" 2 of my boys back--with Summer birthdays. All are above average intelligence. Letting them be the oldest in class is such and advantage. They are able to handle the homework, peer pressure, driving and so much more than younger children in the same grade. My 2 college boys are having a much easier time because they were older and were ready to deal with the trials of college. Although my sons attended (one still is) a college-prep private school, we felt giving them the gift of time was the best we could do for them and it's worked. Don't listen to family/friends--do what is best for your child. If your school offers an all day kindergarten program, I suggest doing that for the second year. It really will make a difference and let your son develop on his own schedule. Best wishes for a lifetime of love and learning. VE (PreK teacher for 21 years & mom of 4 boys)
bluei am 17 my name is nikki i had it hard because my mom held me back i was made fun of and teased

[Unregistered]

Dear Mom,
I have had some of the similiar circumstances with my 5 year old. He was a little behind as well. He went to preschool and did ok. But, in kindergarten, he fell behind. He started to gain momentum toward the end of the year. His teacher suggested summer school to get a jump on first grade next year. Children learn at different rates. Some are just "late bloomers". It is great to see them "get it" after so much struggle. It is worth the work! Hang in there and don't let anyone tell you what's best for your child-you're the parent.

[Unregistered]

have you had his hearing tested a lot of his trouble may be he isn't hearing correctly. If he has no hearing problem does he have trouble focusing on one thing at a time he may have a learning disability. If none of these apply then maybe it is his environment at home. Is anything going on out of the ordinary? It could be a number of things. Did he do well in preschool? Talk to his preschool teacher and find out what she thinks. He may have been displaying these same problems there too.

[Unregistered]

I have a five year old boy myself, and I have been thinking about what I would do in your situation. If it was my son I would not hesitate to let him retake kindergarten because I don’t think he would even hardly notice. Most children are not mature enough to comprehend their feelings about things. They sense very simple feelings sad, happy, hungry, ect. Yes, some kids are highly intuitive and would suffer with self esteem issues, but on the most part they just do what you tell them to do. If you think it would bother him ask the school system to collaborate with another school system. Most of the time schools especially if they are close together will allow a child to change schools. You have to get excused from your current school and have them contact the school you would like to go to. You have a valid reason they might allow it. There is always a balance in everything. If you held him back in the school he is in now, he might get picked on, but he will be a head of his own peers in the classroom which might offset any injury. Or you can put him into the first grade behind all the other kids, who will pick on him for that, but he will not have any thing to offset that hurt. Kids do not like to get pushed to learn. They get tired of that quickly, and begin to push back. You are looking at years of pushing him forward on subjects that might come more naturally a year later.

[HelpME]

I would like to thank everyone who replied. I read all of them and I was torn with what to do. I decided to move him on to first grade, and he is doing very well. Since the start of school, he has moved up 3 reading levels and is caught up with the rest of the class. I think his problem in kindergarten was partly due to the teacher he had.. She was not helping him as much as the others because she believed he would have gotten held back anyway..She was WRONG!!!! He is doing a lot better and his teachers tell us he is doing an excellent job and is really excited about learning now.

My advice: Don't let teachers decide if your child should be held back...You know your child the best, you decide. You never know, it might be for the best as it was in my case.

[HelpME]

Thank you very much for your suggestion...I had him work with it and it helped a lot.

[Unregistered]

I have taught preschool, kindergarten, and first grade. In all my years of teaching I have found that the students who are struggling with reading and writing will NOT benifit from being promoted to the next grade. I understand you are concerned about his social and emotional well being, but his self-esteem will be crushed and it will only get worse if he isn't successful accademically as the years progress. First grade is much different now than when we were in school. Students are expected to come in being able to read some common sight words, read some short vowel words, know their sounds, letters, and numbers. If your son is being resistant to learning he most likely isn't ready. If he is the youngest in the class, he will be with peers of simmilar age next year. Some parents opt to transfer their child to another school to give them a fresh start.

[Unregistered]

I have a 5.5 year old girl who is in Kindergarten. She has been in Early intervention and special ed classes (preschool) since she was 2. She is doing great and does not qualify for special ed anymore but she still struggles with expressive and receptive language- her scores put her in the bottom 20%. She loves school and has great social skills in spite of her issues. She is a resiliant, happy and adaptive child. My dilemma is that her birthday is 8 days before the cut off and I am considering having her repeat kindergarten. I don't want her to always be the youngest and slowest academically in her class. She doesn't seem to notice or care right now but I think as school gets more difficult it may affect her. Is there any harm to having her repeat kindergarten?
Thank you for your input

[Unregistered]

I was held back when I was in kindergarten. I know it was a hard decision for my parents to make. By the end of my second year of kindergarten I was on grade level and did well all through elementary school. In high school I participated in advanced classes. I am glad my parents decided I wasn't ready. After that year I never struggled in school. I am now a teacher and have a better understanding of what a diffiucult decision it is.

[Unregistered 12]

Is so hard can someone send me some tips if you tech 2nd grade and P.e

[Unregistered]

Easy to use and it free to print off your computer...
www.spellarama.com

[Unregistered]

I wonder if any one can guide me in writting a rubric for a preschool computor program.p

[Unregistered]

how about trying some of the electronic toys from wall mart they have some good activities that can help the child and also keep the child wanting more. i found that if its fun the child pays more attition to the learning

[Unregistered]

AS a pre-k and kindergarten teachers I see many children who need the extra time to mature and there is nothing wrong in giving the gift of time to your child. All of the suggestions posted were excellent but I would like to add that in addition to reading to and with your son,think about adding music to the list of things you can do to help him learn letter sounds. Several children's artists have excellent CDs and tape that address this problem. Dr.Jean immediately comes to mind with such tunes as Who Let the Letters Out, Whole Alphabet in our Mouth, Five Little Letters etc. This and other songs are perfect vehicles for teaching. It is important to remember though that if your child is not ready to learn this information it will be a struggle. Remember your goal is to do what is best for your son. You know your child better than the teacher, his grandma,the neighbor down the street ( with the brilliant kid) that makes you feel like a crappy mom for even thinking about retention or anybody else. Don't be pushed into or made to feel quilty about your decision what ever you decide.As an earlier post stated, you would take the advice of your child's doctor so think of your child's teacher as the professional and defer to the advice given. You and your child's teacher are on the same team...you both want what is best for your child. I am sure you will make the decision that is best for your child. Good Luck !